Hey pastors, how transparent should a pastor be?
To be clear, I’m not talking about hiding personal sin or the need for general accountability. I’m asking about how much a pastor should share about his/her personal life (hopes, fears, struggles, triumphs, etc.) via sermons, facebook, blog posts or twitter. This is a question that I find myself asking a lot and I’d love to hear what the rest of you guys think.
More transparent with hopes and triumphs, less transparent with fears and struggles. People have their own fears and struggles, they don’t need to carry yours too.
That’s well said, Art, and I think I agree with you.
Great question, T. My theory is that the longer the forum, the more appropriate and helpful it is to be vulnerable.
In other words, you can pull it off in a sermon because you can provide context for it. To be super-vulnerable on twitter is an invite for misunderstanding. Most people’s twitter persona is not entirely accurate because we’re all larger than 140 character bursts.
Randy, I think that’s a great rule of thumb.
I agree with Randy. If the forum permits explanation, then I feel that the congregation appreciates the openness.
Tony, Great question we all need to wrestle with.
I think transparency reveals authenticity – however, I think it can also reveal insecurity (and a LOT of people are evidently insecure according to their FB status).
I believe it depends on the audience and platform as to how transparent one should be. My levels of transparency go something like this (in order from more transparent to less transparent):
mentoring –> small group teaching/leading –> public speaking (preaching/teaching) –> FaceBook –> Blog posts –> twitter
I love your continuum there, Rick.
I maybe have a less strategic view and just say to be yourself. I don’t know that sharing your darkest sins on stage are the best way to deal with them, but I have seen pastors so afraid of showing a weak side that they paint themselves with the brush of perfection. And, of course, everyone knows that’s not the case.
Maybe the goal of shepherding others isn’t to hide your faults to display strength in leadership, but recognize your weaknesses and create realistic expectations and healthier environments to serve in.
So, in the “be yourself” mantra… if you are generally a very open person – then be so. If not, don’t try otherwise. Does this make me post-modern?
Pat, I agree about the “perfection” thing. I think that if we don’t share some of our struggles then folks will soon think that we don’t have any which isn’t fair to anyone and can seriously discourage those we lead. There’s got to be some sort of balance between sharing our struggles without turning our talks into group therapy for the teachers.
For me personally, I’ve always been a very private person but while teaching I tend to open myself up more than I’m comfortable with. I don’t think I go overboard but it stretches me a lot. Still, I strive to make sure that the reason I’m sharing something personal is to help others and not as therapy for me.
I’ve often found myself in a situation where I don’t want to share something and the Lord makes me share it. Anybody else been there?
Transparent enough to inspire followership and transformation. Private enough to have personal space and sanity.
Engaged enough to illicit conversation and depth of relationship. Withdrawn enough to have a life.
I think leadership requires having a certain level control over your emotions. Sharing your lack of faith and self-control is not being transparent, it is being insecure. I’m amazed to hear pastors revel in their transparency and lament about their shrinking congregations.
I share corporate victories but rarely post personal ones. I feel more called to shine a light on the abilities of Jesus and not the shortcomings of me. I regularly tell people I am an idiot screw-up but rarely divulge specifically how. People will either say my issues are no big deal or think I am unqualified to preach. Neither one helps my ministry.
But I consistently shield my family. I am in ministry, not them. Its my twitter/facebook/twitpic account, not theirs.
Carl, I hear ya in regards to family. I try to leave them out of stuff as much as possible. I share stories that involve my family but nothing too personal.
I have got to be honest, as a pastor – your family IS part of your ministry. I think you definitely need to protect them, and they do not (should not) have job descriptions… but remove a pastor’s family and watch how quickly his influence diminishes. I’m not saying they would need to be at every event, but they are huge.
I refuse to sacrifice my family on the alter of ministry – but they are indeed a major part of it.
For me it all comes down to the “love your neighbor as yourself” thing. If you love those you communicate with, you will share the things that help them, even if it’s embarrassing or painful. On the flipside, love will also prompt you to keep certain things to yourself (even if sharing them might be enjoyable or even “therapeutic”) if the info is not helpful. Sometimes TMI is just TMI.
Don, that’s it in a nutshell. It really is all about love. I’ve found that if you’re trying to impress those you speak to you’ll never really minister to them. You’ve got to love them and loving them means that, at times, you’re going to be called upon to share somethings that paint you in the best light and that’s okay because you’re there to help and serve others.