Looking for a Church Is Like Looking for a Spouse

I understand that looking for a good church can be a huge challenge at times.  Certainly, at a minimum, it’s usually a very time-consuming process because you can only really check out a church once a week.  It can be a frustrating process as well.  I think, however, that looking for a church is a lot like looking for a spouse.

When I pastored in Athens, Georgia (a college town in case you don’t know), young men would often tell me what they were looking for in a wife.  Sometimes they would rattle off an unbelievable list of “musts” that included such things as height, hair color, musical abilities, musical preferences, hobbies, interests and cooking skills.  As a married man, I would find these lists to be so very amusing because they were not only unrealistic but they also focused on extremely trivial matters most of the time.

Obviously, some “requirements” when looking for a spouse are important.  For instance, if you are a believer then the Bible is very clear that you should only date and marry another believer.  Also, there needs to be a basic compatibility and your callings should mesh too.  Beyond that, however, the other stuff should be left in God’s hands because the truth is that you don’t really know what you want or even should want in a spouse.  You need God’s direction more than your personal selection.

Looking for a church is very a similar process.  Pick a few things that are obvious musts for you (like certain beliefs and a general philosophy of ministry or vibe) but then be open to whatever God has in store for you.  Don’t measure churches against a laundry list of relatively trivial items.  Focus on the big stuff and don’t sweat the small stuff.  Resist the temptation to forever speed date every church in the region with a unreasonable checklist in hand.  If you don’t, you may never find a church that meets your ridiculous standards.

The number one thing you should be seeking is where God is calling you to be regardless of any other criteria.  God may be asking you to attend a church that doesn’t have something that you’re very passionate about so that you might start that ministry or program.

Remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect church.  Go where you’re called.  God knows what you need more than you do.

2 Comments

  1. One should look for a church the way they would look for a glass of cool, pure water in a scorching desert.

    If the forgiveness of sins for the sake of Christ Jesus is there, along with His Sacraments of Holy Baptism and Holy Communion..then drink of that life giving water and know that you have found it.

  2. It all sounds so good and upbeat.
    But how can you know where you are called – really?
    By what objective criteria do you determine whether God has called you ?

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