I’ve been sitting on this post for a long, long time but I felt like I was supposed to share it this morning so here you go.
The great preacher, T D Jakes, once said something that I think about often.
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The Bible said that, “They came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.” [1John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And, if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. Let them go.
And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it’s dead. You’ve got to know when it’s over.
Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of goodbye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift. I believe in “goodbye”. It’s not that I’m insensitive or uncaring, it’s that I trust. I know whatever and whomever God means for me to have and be a part of my life He will give. And, if a relationship takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!
The truth is that if you’re a pastor you become an expert at watching people leave. It just happens. Sometimes people leave because of job opportunities. Sometimes they leave because they’re mad about something. Sometimes it’s just time for them to move on. Regardless of the reason, as a pastor you get to see a lot of people leave. (The upside is that you get to see a lot of people arrive too!)
I can tell you that every time someone leaves, even for the right reasons, it hurts. I once believed that this was something that I would get used to over time but I don’t think you ever really get used to it. Bil Cornelius, pastor of the Bay Area Fellowship, once told me that it never gets any easier. That floored me. His church is huge and if he still feels it then I guess I always will.
So, what do you do when people want to leave? Whether they are leaving your church, your company, or your life, what do you do? Well, I think Bishop Jakes hit the nail on the head. As hard as it might be, just let them go. Talk with them or pray with them if they’re interested in that sort of thing but don’t spend any energy trying to convince people into staying with you when they are sure then want to leave.
You just have to trust God in all this. You have to trust Him to take care of them. You also have to trust Him to take care of you. God doesn’t need them to do what He wants to do in your life. He’s also big enough to take care of them. Just let them go and let it go. Trust God and just say goodbye.
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this is a masterpiece AND it’s why I keep urging you to KEEP ON BLOGGING Brother Tony! Yea!
I’ve been away for a while and am catching up with your blog.
I needed to read this today.
Thanks!
Paul and Roger, I’m glad you guys got something out of that post!
Just heard this message yesterday and then read your blog today about the same subject. It takes the fear out…
#408 – Living Without Crutches
Joel Osteen Author: Joel Osteen
Thu, May 21, 2009
When God closes a door, it’s because He has something better in store. Just as God supernaturally brings people into our lives, He will supernaturally move people out of our lives, as well. When a person has served their purpose, if we don’t freely let them go, we won’t be able to move forward into the new things God wants us to do; and we can’t fully become who He desires for us to be. Like a crutch we use when we’re injured, God, puts people in our lives for a period of time to help us through difficult situations. But, there comes a time where we have to let go of them in order to develop into our full potential. A crutch isn’t always supposed to be used forever. If a crutch is used for too long, we can become too dependent on it; and our strength and full potential is weakened. Take an evaluation of your life. See if there are any crutches you’ve held on to for too long. They might have been good at one time, but now God is trying to take you to a new level. The crutch that was once used for your good is now keeping you back. God has equipped, anointed and empowered you to do the task at hand and to fulfill the calling on your life. As you take courage and remove the crutches in your life, you will rise up with new confidence and discover new talents, gifts and potential that you never knew you had!
Tony,
I really needed to read this tonight… several of my key leaders at FUSIONchurch (in Atlanta) are leaving (for good reasons) and it hurts, not just because of the leadership vacancy they leave behind but because these are good friends, people I love deeply and I’ve been sharing my life and ministry with for 4 years.
I’m usually pretty good about letting people go and moving on, but sometimes it is really tough when they are people that are closer than your own family – they are friends who have become family.
Thanks for posting.
Chris, I’ve been a pastor for a long time and I can tell you that it always hurts and it never gets any easier. You’ve just got to lean on God and trust Him during those times. Also, try to focus on the folks that have stayed. Invest in them and love on them. God will send you new leaders to replace the ones that left.
Praying for you, bro.
Tony