When I look back at all the things that I thought I wanted over the years, I’m slightly embarrassed.  The truth is that I tend to think I want a lot of things in the moment only to look back later and realize that I never really wanted them at all.

When I was growing up I wanted to be a morning DJ at a radio station.  Those folks always seemed to be having a ton of fun and, as they say, I had a face for radio.  For a while, I went to a broadcasting school and I was fully intending on becoming a DJ.  It was my dream.  After I gave my life to Christ, I decided I would become a DJ on a Christian radio station but the dream remained essentially the same.

At some point, I felt called into the ministry and I laid down my DJing dreams.  I thought I was making something of a sacrifice for the Lord but I was cool with it.  I knew I was called to preach and teach.

Years later, I got asked by a Christian radio station to come in and record a prayer for the city that they would played at special times in the middle of the night.  I truly enjoyed the little recording session but I was shocked by what happened when I finished.  Suddenly, I had this massive realization that my career in radio had just come and gone and I was completely cool with it.  In that moment, I became powerfully aware that the brief stint of recording a prayer was all I needed.  That was it.  I didn’t really want a career in radio.  Not really.

All those years I thought I wanted something only to realize that it wasn’t the real dream of my life.  It was only a minor dream—an amusement at best, a distraction at worst.  One shot at it and that was all I needed.  I was done.

I’m thankful that God didn’t answer my prayer to give me a career in radio.  I’d probably be “Crazy Tony and the Mad Dog in the mornings on 95.1, Des Moines” or something like that.  And, that’s not who I am or what I want.

In big and small things, God has graciously not given me many things that I’ve asked for over the years and I’m very thankful for that.